We live in a world constantly telling us to look inward for healing and freedom.
So we do.
We reflect.
We process.
We journal.
We read all the self-help books.
Before we know it, we’re drowning in a sea of self:
Self-awareness.
Self-love.
Self-help.
And while none of these are inherently wrong, we can unknowingly become addicted to our own reflection, obsessed with our appearance, our reputation, our inner world, and how others perceive us.
It’s subtle but dangerous.
We brush off “small” sins because they don’t seem as serious. We say things like,
“I’ve never killed anyone or robbed a bank. What’s so bad about thinking about myself a little too much now?”
But the enemy loves when sin seems harmless. The very first commandment God gave was clear:
“You shall have no other gods before Me.” (Exodus 20:3)
So let me ask you:
Is it possible we’ve made a god out of self?
Anything we think about more than God, anything we prioritize, trust, or chase above Him, has become an idol. And sometimes, that idol is… us.
Self-Focus Is Not Freedom
I say this with love: the cultural messages around self-love and self-discovery are not biblical. They sound good. They feel good. But they miss the heart of the Gospel.
Because the Gospel isn’t about finding yourself. It’s about losing yourself to find Him.
Jesus never said, “Fix yourself.”
He said, “Follow Me.”
And that following starts with one thing: denial of self.
“Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, My way, to finding yourself, your true self.”
—Matthew 16:24–25 MSG
I Tried to Fix Myself
I know what it’s like to search for healing by looking inward. I’ve tried to trace every emotion back to its origin. I’ve asked, “Why am I like this?” in a hundred different ways, believing that if I could just understand myself more, I’d finally change.
And sometimes, I did get insight. I remembered the moments. I named the wounds.
But I wasn’t any more free.
Here’s the hard truth:
You can be fully aware and still fully bound.
You can name your trauma and still repeat the same cycles.
Because self-awareness isn’t the same as transformation.
Only Jesus can do that.
The Trap of “Processing”
Even in the name of healing, we can get stuck in the comfort of “processing”:
We talk about our issues.
We journal endlessly.
We ask for accountability.
We understand the “why” behind it all…
But if we’re not surrendering to Jesus, we’re just spinning in circles.
The enemy doesn’t care if you’re broken or busy. He just wants your eyes off Jesus. Whether you’re puffed up with pride or drowning in shame, either way, you're still focused on you.
What Does It Really Mean to Deny Yourself?
Jesus said it plainly:
“If anyone wants to follow Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me.”
—Luke 9:23
Denying yourself doesn’t mean hating yourself. It doesn’t mean ignoring your emotions or living in shame. It means surrendering a life that revolves around you in exchange for the life Jesus offers.
It’s choosing Him over your comfort, your image, your preferences, and even your “healing journey.”
What Denying Yourself Can Look Like
It’s often hidden. Quiet. Practical. And deeply spiritual. Here are a few ways I’m learning to live this out:
Fasting – Denying physical comfort (food, drink, etc.) to make room for deeper hunger for God. It’s a sacrifice but deeply rewarding and the fast track to denying yourself. What I love most about fasting is it silences my mind so I’m able to focus and hear the Lord clearly. I encourage you to try it out! Start small. Let the Holy Spirit guide you.
Interrupting negative thought patterns – When I spiral mentally, I stop and speak truth, even if I don’t feel it. But, let’s be honest, sometimes the thoughts feel louder than truth, like they’re in control. In those moments, I simply start whispering, “Jesus, help me,” over and over. Oftentimes He will speak a quiet word in my heart or bring a Bible verse to my mind. And when it feels too heavy to fight alone, I reach out to someone I trust, someone grounded in the Lord. Not to vent or dwell on the problem, but to let them speak truth, pray for me, and help bring me back to what’s real.
Biting my tongue – Sometimes the holiest thing I can do is remain silent, even when I feel justified to speak. (James 1:19)
Choosing to be misunderstood – I don’t always need to defend myself. I just need to be faithful. (Romans 12:19)
Serving in secret – Doing laundry, washing dishes, or worshiping when no one’s watching. God sees.
The Heaviness of Self
When I am the center of my life, everything feels heavy. My thoughts become a checklist of things I need to fix. That’s an exhausting place to live.
But when I deny myself, when I trust that Jesus knows better than I do, life becomes lighter.
“My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.”
—Matthew 11:30
There Is Joy in the Letting Go
Denying yourself doesn’t sound glamorous, but it is required to follow Jesus.
It’s not a one-time moment. It’s a daily posture.
And I can tell you from experience: I’m more joyful now. I’m more at peace. The things that used to weigh heavy don’t anymore. Challenges still come, but they don’t affect me the way they did before. Obedience comes easier. Life feels smoother. There’s freedom, real freedom, when you live a life that says,
“Not my will, but Yours.” (Luke 22:42)
A Prayer to Deny Myself
Jesus,
I’ve spent so much time trying to figure myself out. I’ve chased clarity more than I’ve chased You. Today, I lay that down. I surrender my need to be seen, understood, or admired. Teach me to deny myself, not just in big moments, but in the hidden ones. Help me take up my cross daily and follow You. I don’t want to be the best version of me. I want to become like You.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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Wow, what a wonderful word. It always thrills me when I see God speaking to me through other people that message was totally for me. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it.